Stack OverDad: Laugh at the Right Time

Mohammad Aryayi
/
Stack OverDad: Laugh at the Right Time
on 2 Nov 2026
4
44
22
2
9936
game.m
% Stack OverDad
% Copyright (c) 2026 Mohammad Aryayi
function g=game
g.init=@in;g.update=@up;g.render=@rn;
end
function s=in(A)
set(A,'XLim',[0 160],'YLim',[-10 110],'Color',[.96 .91 .78],'DefaultTextFontName','Comic Sans MS','DefaultTextFontUnits','normalized','DefaultTextHorizontalAlignment','center','DefaultTextFontWeight','bold','DefaultPatchEdgeColor','none');
dr(A,"倨僄傑偣倔岔佌僜倨傠偭偏啸地剬呴倨傠偭偏兙冋劊吮倨偿偖债兼剬劊劼倨偿偖债冈冘凴劊倨偿偖债剐剠凴劊倨傠偭偏嬝孏劊吮倨偿偖债娼嬬劊劼倨偿偖债婈婘凴劊倨偿偖债嬐嬠凴劊倨儆僝債嘢嚆叀吆倨傔僆僺喌圜刜叨");
tx(A,80,40.5,"WORLD'S"+newline+"BEST DAD",.016);
z=["倨偦僌傛侰偸倔僰值偏债倫侸兀倴倴值偏债倫偰兀倴倴值儆僝債倔兀偤偤值偏债倫倔兴偪债","倨傰偰僺侜傌倔儘值傄偙倫倔冄偼偼值傄偙倫倔凜值值值儆僝債倔全偬偬"];
for i=1:2
h=hgtransform('Parent',A);dr(h,z(i));s.M(i)=h;s.ey(i)=dt(h,12);s.mo(i)=line(0,0,'Parent',h,'LineWidth',2);
end
dr(A,"偤儐儉儁勤姄嬄冤劼劼億億倨儆僷僣冤嬄偤億值僌僓僛噔凖儊健值儓儓儓噔凖億偟值儉僨偺噔凰僈偆值僪倽倽噔刄偤倬偤傔僆僺嗈喌商喂厢厶勤勐偤傔僆僺圜因圦坢厶厢勐勤值儆僝債啤勚值值值儆僝債坄勚值值");
G=hgtransform('Parent',A);s.G=G;dr(G,"值儆僝債佪傴值值值儆僝債傾傴值值值儆僝債倔傴傾傾值傎傎傎侂僦倶做值傎傎傎傦僦倶做值倿倵倫俐僒偑偑值倿倵倫偘僒偑偑值儓儓儓俐僒偊偊值儓儓儓偘僒偊偊倨倿倵倫倆倢僔僜");
s.P=dt(G,24);s.B=line([-5.4 -1.4 nan 1.4 5.4],0*(1:5),'Parent',G,'LineWidth',3);s.O=patch(0,0,[.48 .18 .18],'Parent',G);
dr(G,"僜偰偏倽侰俎俼倔倬做偸偌倔俜停傂傊傀傊傂停偬偤偬值僼傼傑倔傔倮倬");s.e=dr(G,"偤僼傄偦僎僗儂價優儚儳元偤僼傄偦傋傚傶傧六兣册冖偤僼傄偦個倝倝個冐冐凂凂偤僼傄偦侎依侁佲兣六冖册偤僼傄偦佑佚伯伦儚優元儳");
s.b=dr(A,"倨倿倵倫农姌善囨倨儓儓儓冤姄喌因偐倿倵倫啺嘠嘶喈喈唺偐儓儓儓喂嘘嘶喔喔商");
s.t=tx(A,23,85,"",.031);set(s.t,'HorizontalAlignment','left','VerticalAlignment','top');
s.f=tx(A,0,65,"",.022);set(s.f,'BackgroundColor','w','EdgeColor','k');
s.h=tx(A,3,104,"",.024);s.h.HorizontalAlignment='left';
s.a=tx(A,142,76,"",.027);set(s.a,'BackgroundColor','w','LineWidth',3);
s.op=dr(A,"倨倰倰偂倔岔佌墬");s.op.FaceAlpha=.72;
s.ot=[tx(A,80,78,"",.069) tx(A,80,64,"",.033) tx(A,80,44,"",.024) tx(A,80,20,"",.033)];
set(s.ot,{'Color'},{[1 .82 .4];'w';'w';[.56 .79 .9]});
N=newline;s.T=0;s=rs(s);
s.ov=["Stack OverDad","Laugh at the right time, or the family leaves the table.","CLICK/SPACE = LAUGH when Dad gives you THE LOOK."+N+"Mom says no? DON'T LAUGH."+N+"Each mistake: somebody leaves. Each joke: faster.","TAP TO START"];
rn(0,s);
end
function s=up(s,d,p)
s.T=s.T+d;t=s.T;
if p&&(s.st==0||s.st==5&&t-s.t0>1.2)
s=nj(rs(s));
elseif p&&s.st==2
l=s.la;s=fr(s,5*s.rt+~s.rt*(3*(l<0)+(l>=0)*(1+(t-l>s.wP)+2*(t-l>s.wG))));
end
if s.st==1&&t>=s.tE
[s.st,s.t0,s.la]=deal(2,t,-1);s.fl(s.n==1)="";
end
if s.st==2
i=find(s.E<=t-s.t0,1,'last');[s.fc,s.fT,s.DT]=deal(s.F(i),s.t0+s.E(i),s.S(i));s.la(i==numel(s.E)&s.la<0)=t;
if s.la>=0&&t-s.la>s.wG
s=fr(s,4+2*s.rt);
end
elseif s.st==3&&t>=s.tE
s.gn(s.lg(s.lg>0))=1;s.lg=0;
if s.lv==0||s.n>9
s=eg(s);
else
s=nj(s);
end
end
end
function s=rs(s)
o=randperm(15);q=o(o<9);v=(1:7)<3;
[s.st,s.t0,s.sc,s.lv,s.n,s.od,s.pl,s.la,s.fc,s.fT,s.DT,s.mm,s.fm,s.fl,s.flT,s.gn,s.lg,s.lT,s.bt,s.bc]=deal(0,s.T,0,2,0,[q(1:3) setdiff(o,q(1:3),'stable')],[0 0 v(randperm(7)) 0],-1,1,s.T,"",0,0,"",0,[0 0],0,0,"",'k');
end
function s=nj(s)
[t,n,N]=deal(s.T,s.n+1,newline);s.n=n;o=n==1;
J=split("Why was the semicolon so quiet at the party?|It always suppresses its output.#I tried to divide by zero in MATLAB.|Now I'm Inf-amous.#Why was the plot so sad?|Nobody told it to hold on.#I told a joke about NaN.|It wasn't even equal to itself.#I told the kids I'd fix the Wi-Fi in a minute.|That was a while loop ago.#Why did my AI code pass all the tests?|It also wrote the tests.#I told the AI to code like a senior developer.|It wrote one line and then went to a meeting.#Why are MATLAB users always so calm?|They clear all their problems.#I'm a MATLAB dad: I count my kids"+N+"from one and I still lose one.#My code was written by AI, reviewed by AI,"+N+"and understood by nobody.#I'd explain recursion, but first"+N+"I'd have to explain recursion.#I don't make mistakes, I make NaN-sense.#My matrix went to the gym and came back sparse.#My code works perfectly"+N+"as long as nobody runs it.#I'm not old, I'm a legacy version"+N+"with good documentation.","#");
J=split(J(s.od(n))+"|","|");q=J(1);u=J(2);
[s.rt,s.wP,s.wG,s.E,s.F,s.S,s.tt]=deal(s.pl(n),.52-.02*n,1.25-.05*n,[],[],strings(0),0);
s=tw(s,q,"",2,0);v=q+N;s=tw(s,"",v,3,.3+.9*rand*(u~=""));s=tw(s,u,v,2,0);v=s.S(end);s=tw(s,"",v,4,.3*rand);s=tw(s,"",v,5,0);
[s.st,s.t0,s.tE,s.fc,s.fT,s.DT,s.fm,s.mm,s.fl,s.flT]=deal(1,t,t+.4+4.6*o,1+o,t,"",0,3*s.rt,"",t+2*o);
s.DT(o)="Dinner's ready!"+N+"Tonight I have 10 jokes for you.";s.fl(o)="TEN?!";s.fl(s.rt>0)="Don't encourage him.";
end
function s=tw(s,q,v,f,x)
w=split(q," ");
for c=1:max(numel(w)*(q~=""),f>2)
[s.E(end+1),s.F(end+1),s.S(end+1)]=deal(s.tt,f,v+join(w(1:c)," "));s.tt=s.tt+.18+.27*rand+x;
end
end
function s=fr(s,r)
t=s.T;lo=r>2&r<6;z=reshape(D("构埤倔倔倔富倨倨值值偤偸倨倨值值值倔"),6,3);c=[.16 .62 .56;.91 .44 .32];
R=split("THAT's my kid!|Heh, thank you, thank you.|...I wasn't done?|...is this thing on?|You liked it? I have twenty of these!|Fine. FINE.|||||Seriously?!|Good kid.|PERFECT!|GOOD!|TOO EARLY!|TOO LATE...|MOM SAID NO!|GOOD RESTRAINT","|");
[s.sc,s.st,s.t0,s.tE,s.la,s.fc,s.fT,s.DT,s.bt,s.bc,s.mm,s.fm,s.fl,s.lv,s.lg,s.lT]=deal(s.sc+z(r),3,t,t+1.6+.8*lo,-1,5+r,t,R(r),R(12+r),c(1+lo,:),z(r,2),z(r,3),R(6+r),s.lv-lo,lo*(3-s.lv),t+.7);
end
function s=eg(s)
t=s.T;v=s.lv>0;r=1+(s.sc>=900)+(s.sc>=1800);g=[9 1 6];
y=split("DAD EATS ALONE|YOU SURVIVED DINNER!|...extra meatballs for me.|That's all for tonight. Same time tomorrow?|Dad will tell these at your wedding.|Professional Laugh Track|Dad's Favorite Child","|");
[s.st,s.t0,s.fl,s.fc,s.fT,s.DT,s.ov]=deal(5,t,"",g(r),t,y(3+v),[y(1+v),y(4+r),"Score "+s.sc,"TAP TO TRY AGAIN"]);
end
function rn(~,s)
t=s.T;e=t-s.fT;f=reshape(D("倔倔倔倔倨倔倔倔倔倈倖值倔倔倜倔値倘倨倔倔倔倔値倔偐倔倔倰倔倔倎偤偐倨倮倔倔倔偤偤倨倠倔倔倔偤倔倔倚倔倚倚傌偐倔倘俾倔倆傠倔倔倲倔倔倔偸偤倨倎倞倀倎偐倔倔"),7,[]);f=f(:,s.fc);
s.B.YData=12.9+f(1)-[0 f(2) nan f(2) 0];set(s.P,'XData',[-3.4 3.4]+f(3),'YData',[9.5 9.5]+f(4));
m=reshape(D("偄倠倔倜倔偀倔倘倜倔偀倔倘倜倔偔倛倔倔倸倴倂倦倔偈倨倈倠倔倴偈倂倘倜倔"),5,[]);m=m(:,f(5)+(f(5)==2)*(1+2*(mod(floor(e/.12),2)==0)));u=-1:1/6:1;v=m(2)*u.^2+m(3);
set(s.O,'XData',m(1)*[u flip(u)]','YData',2.4+[v flip(v-m(4)-m(5)*(1-u.^2))]');
set(s.e,'Visible',f(7)>0);
s.G.Matrix=makehgtform('translate',[80 49+(f(6)==4)*abs(sin(15.7*e)) 0],'zrotate',-(f(6)==3)*min(e/.12,1)*.122);
s.t.String=s.DT;set([s.b s.t],'Visible',s.DT~="");
P=[136 24];Y=[-1 1];Q=reshape(D("倲倞倏倶倲俶倮倔倔倮倔倔倰倊倖倲倞倏"),3,[]);u=-1:.25:1;d=[s.fm s.mm];
for i=1:2
k=d(i);e=t-s.lT;g=i==s.lg&e>=0;q=Q(:,k+1);x=Y(i)*1.6*(k<3);s.M(i).Visible=~s.gn(i);
s.M(i).Matrix=makehgtform('translate',[P(i)-g*Y(i)*75*min(e/1.2,1)^2 34+g*1.2*abs(sin(18.8*e))+(~g&k==1)*.8*abs(sin(22*(t-s.t0)+P(i))) 0]);
set(s.ey(i),'XData',x+[-1 1]*(1.2+.2*i),'YData',[1 1]*(12.8+2.4*i));set(s.mo(i),'XData',x+q(1)*u,'YData',11.2+1.8*i+q(2)*u.^2+q(3));
end
y=s.fl;y(t<s.flT)="";L=s.lg&&t>=s.lT;E=[y "I have homework." "Enjoy your meatballs."];y=E(1+L*s.lg);w=2-(s.n==1&s.st==1);w=w*~L+L*s.lg;
set(s.f,'String',y,'Visible',y~="",'Position',[P(w) 65 0]);
set(s.a,'String',s.bt,'Color',s.bc,'EdgeColor',s.bc,'Visible',s.st==3);
s.h.String="SCORE "+s.sc+"     JOKE "+s.n+"/10";
v=s.st==0|s.st==5;set([s.op s.ot],'Visible',v);set(s.ot,{'String'},num2cell(s.ov'));s.ot(4).Visible=v&(s.st==0|t-s.t0>1.2);
end
function o=dr(h,z)
r=double(char(z));d=r/20-1025;i=1;o=[];a=0:.16:6.4;
while i<numel(r)
k=d(i);n=max(4,2*k);v=d(i+4:i+3+n);x=v(1:k);y=v(k+1:2*k);
if k==1
x=v([1 2 2 1]);y=v([3 3 4 4]);
elseif k==2
x=v(1)+v(3)*cos(a);y=v(2)+v(4)*sin(a);
end
o=[o patch(x,y,(r(i+1:i+3)-20500)/255,'Parent',h)];i=i+4+n;
end
end
function v=D(z)
v=double(char(z))/20-1025;
end
function h=tx(A,x,y,q,z)
h=text(x,y,q,'Parent',A,'FontSize',z);
end
function h=dt(p,z)
h=line(nan,nan,'Parent',p,'LineStyle','none','Marker','.','MarkerSize',z);
end
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